A comic friend of mine at the Improv was trying to help out an idiot (I’m stingy with the word “comic” and this guy wasn’t a comic, he was an idiot). The guy had gotten REALLY high, REALLY drunk, was interrupting conversations in the club and parking lot with “PEEP ME, YO! PEEP ME! My Manager is coming! You gonna peep me? Cause I’m gonna be HUGE, yo! You gotta peep me!”
He went on stage at the open mic and incoherently rambled after annoying the holy shit out of everybody: high caliber comics, unsuspecting audience members, Improv employees and god knows who else – since you never know who’s in that building. He didn’t make ANY sense. He didn’t have ANY punchlines. Now the guy obviously didn’t have a manager, because if he did, his manager would have at least told him to write some punchlines but more likely, shut up and quit comedy.

It was awkward.

So my friend is trying to help the guy out, telling him not to perform when he’s that fucked up and not to harrass people (when you don’t know who you’re harrassing, you could kill your chances at a successful career before you even get an opportunity). I generally would walk away from a situation like that, but the more awkward and inappropriate it got, the more excuses the guy made, the funnier it got.

REALLY funny to watch.

“Yo! There were no people in there and there were no black people in there, yo! I needed my people!”

OK, true, there were few people in the audience and few black people at that, but this idiot was white and the comic he’s popping off to was black but luckily a nice, good-natured guy.

The more my friend tried to help the idiot, the more ridiculous it got and became obvious he wasn’t hearing ANYTHING being said to him. It was like talking to a brickwall (a red brickwall that thinks it’s black).

Finally, I lost my ability to stay out of the conversation and said, “Listen, are you too fucked up to comprehend what people are telling you or are you a complete idiot?”

OK, maybe not the best way to enter a conversation on my part, but we were now going on hours of dealing with this guy’s bullshit.

Apparently I hit a nerve. “Yo I saw YOUR set!” he said, then delivered a line that is the comedic equivelant to punching a pregnant woman in her babymaker. “You’re not funny!” followed by more insults like, “Who are you? Alanis Morrisette’s ugly little sister? You an uglier version of Alanis Morrisette?” and on and on. “You got dumped?” he said, referencing my set, “Oh yeah, that’s REAL original!”

Getting dumped? Sure that’s an old premise but the material and jokes are original and if you disagree, I don’t care. Although I love disagreeing, so bring it on.

Now, when I was starting out, on occasion people said things like “You’re not funny!” and it bothered me because I desperately needed approval. Now, though, I KNOW I’m funny, so it doesn’t bother me if you think I’m not. Maybe I’m not your cup of tea. I don’t care. SO I just stood there, grinning as this idiot loudly hurls insults at me, attracting the attention of the Improv door guys and everyone on the sidewalk.

Now those door guys always tell me to shut up because I’m not funny – which to me… is really funny.

Moving on to more important things, if you think I’m funny, then keep an eye on my tour schedule because I added a bunch of stuff.